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July 25, 2005

I love gun porn

And man, does Jeff ever write some gun porn.

FONDLING MY GUN

...I spread them all out before me, clean them all even if they don't need it. I touch and feel and examine them and think about how cool they are and how I could take my .22 and [In your dreams --ed.] win every target shooting competition in the world. I smell the remnants of Hoppe's, the odor of oil. I run my fingers over the craftsmanship and check the magazines and fuss over the "blueing" on some of them. I fuss over the sights, the trigger actions, the grips. I try the balance and aspect over and over. I'm in LOVE...

I hold them, feel them and caress them...

I hold my P-45 and think, "you will protect me from EVERYTHING". I hug my Marlin .22 bolt and think, "I had you when I was 14-years-old".

So. I fondle and molest my guns... Owning them is like taking in your art collection; gazing lovingly at each piece of work.

I have my small collection spread out before me now and I think I will give each one some lovin'.

He should entitle this piece "Lady Chatterly's Winchester". Damn, I think I need a cigarette...
Firearms and the Second Amendment are all we have standing between us and a totalitarianism, fascist government dreamed-up by the leftist, liberal members of our once frontier, bold nation.
Well said, Gunstud.
Have you fondled your guns today?
Not yet, but it's still early.

Posted by Ken S at July 25, 2005 08:10 AM | TrackBack (0) |
Comments

Be careful Ken: this leads to poor eyesight and hairy palms.

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at July 25, 2005 08:30 AM

Damn. Hairy palms I can tolerate but poor eyesite and guns is a bad combination.

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 25, 2005 08:41 AM

Eh ... poor eyesight. That's why God made shotguns.

Posted by: Cullen at July 25, 2005 09:06 AM

In His wisdom, Cullen.

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at July 25, 2005 09:40 AM

Hmmm, wonder if he has a "home protector." Just hearing the cha-chuck makes one go all warbly inside.

Posted by: "Alice" at July 25, 2005 10:04 AM

You don't keep one chambered? I'm shocked...

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 25, 2005 10:14 AM

I've heard people say that,
Too much of anything is no good for you, baby...
But I don't know about that...

Posted by: Nightfly at July 25, 2005 10:27 AM

Fondled my gun? Unless that's a euphemism, I don't they're allowed here in the "great" Commonwealth of Massachusetts. ;-)

Posted by: Dave J at July 25, 2005 10:53 AM

I oiled mine on Saturday, after taking it apart so I could push the brush and patches through the breech instead of the barrel.

Posted by: Bill McCabe at July 25, 2005 10:56 AM

You did what with your breeches?

Did it involve Sneetches on the beaches?

Posted by: Mr Bingley at July 25, 2005 02:38 PM

"Once more unto the breech, dear friends..."

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 25, 2005 02:42 PM

I've been experimenting with these, myself.

Posted by: Shannon at July 25, 2005 04:44 PM

I've never so much as touched a gun. *sniff*

Posted by: Lizzie at July 25, 2005 11:49 PM

You should fix that, Liz.

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 26, 2005 05:39 AM

Ken, I live in a city in the UK. I've lost touch with the more unsavoury characters I used to know. Where am I supposed to find a gun?! (I suppose I could pretend I'm a suicide bomber ...)

Posted by: Lizzie at July 26, 2005 02:46 PM

My mistake, Liz. I do NOT recommend learning to shoot from unsavory characters, nor even getting back in touch with them ;)

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 26, 2005 03:38 PM

Liz, FYI: last I checked, the UK still hasn't banned rifles and shotguns, just handguns. Just so you know.

Posted by: Dave J at July 26, 2005 08:01 PM

Oh, I know that. I just don't have the opportunity, as I'm a city girl. *sigh*
But it's nice to have something to wish for, don't you think?!

Posted by: Lizzie at July 26, 2005 09:06 PM

Long gun restrictions have gotten very onerous also, Dave. IIRC, they have move into (or border on) the category of "not banned but might as well be".

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 27, 2005 06:00 AM

I genuinely think that if the Tories pick David Davis as their leader, and manage to win the next election, we could see some serious changes for the better on that front. FYI: http://daviddavisleader.blogspot.com/

Posted by: Dave J at July 27, 2005 08:35 AM

One can always hope.

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 27, 2005 08:39 AM

Dave J - IMNSHO, the Tories' problem is that they keep changing leaders so bloody often. If they stuck with someone for, oh, I don't know, maybe two years without dumping him, maybe we'd have a bit of confidence in them. As it is, I think they just like scapegoating to blame somebody for their lack of appeal. No, dumbasses, it's your policies we're not keen on!

Posted by: Lizzie at July 27, 2005 11:05 AM