Cogito

DOMS

2023-09-21T07:03:44Z

GOD everything hurts, I can barely lift my arms without momentarily seeing heaven, and picking up things from the floor sends me to the 9th circle of hell. I ended up taking a little nap earlier, was it for two hours or three? Hopefully it doesn't mess with my sleep schedule lol because I'm finally back to sleeping at 11 pm. Today's fairly uneventful, it's rest day and there's not much to do other than to write but writer's block exists so... and I doubt I can go back to the gym tomorrow because both my arms and legs are still dead, but hey who knows? :]

Maybe update soon hehe~ and yes, Jacob Black is still a lovely, persistent presence in my mind. Ugh, gorgeous.

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Twilight Fannish Stuff

2023-09-10T23:31:32Z

(To my esteemed flist, please scroll along, don't even bat an eye at this because this is the most self-indulgent fannish dirge I've ever spouted in my entire life)

***

Oh lordie... I feel like it had been a while since I'd indulged in anything remotely fannish, and I thought I'd already gotten over *that phase* but apparently not, because Twilight happened, and Jacob Black happened... Like, the first time I watched Twilight I thought it was cringey (no offense) and another one of those terrible (not too terrible) book-to-movie adaptations, but as time went on I started to unironically enjoy it. Actually, I read the books first, thought it was fun, then watched the movies - I stopped watching the second movie, was it New Moon? Think it was. Anyway, I stopped watching after finishing the second because I lost interest, and that was well over a year ago. Now, ok, one or two weeks ago I got a wee bit too bored and decided, "Hey, I never really finished Twilight, I should give the third movie another go." And that was when it started.

Ngl, Jacob Black's character took a turn for the worse by the third movie, though I feel like I don't really have to explain it. But my GOD is he so gorgeous! Like, drop-dead gorgeous! Jeez Taylor Lautner. And to think I never really fluttered my eyelashes at him during the first film! He was soooo cute as well, what with his long hair and bundle-of-joy personality!! On God!!! Haaaaa *dreamily looks at his photos* Then of course his cuteness never really went away when he cut his hair off. He had... a certain kind of cuteness... and GOD he was SEXY. *fans at myself*

I wouldn't say I'm *that* obsessed either. *hides the two self-insert ficlets I produced over the past week* Call it... an appreciation for beauty! Aesthetics, if you will. The nature of beauty...

...And the nature of his biceps...

*Ahem*... I feel compelled to insert the photos I managed to collect earlier, hehe... (If you haven't scrolled away yet, now's the time - trust me)

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A flurry of thoughts brought on about by an unhealthy amount of caffeine

2023-09-02T20:14:16Z

I've heard a quote, I forgot where but it goes like this: "It is better to know one book intimately than a hundred superficially."

I immediately thought to myself, this is true, no questions asked - a horrible habit I've acquired from reading books and glorifying Tumblr-able quotes - but came to realize if it really has some semblance of truth to it. I thought about my life, what I want to become and what I've become thus far. Then it hit me. To think about life, that one fleeting thing we only get to experience once, is such a jarring experience in that no matter what I do or how far my reasoning would take me, there is ultimately only one life I'm allowed to live. How long would it take to read every single book to ever exist? Not that it's possible. How many skills and passions - in a way that's humanly possible - can I intimately know, if not only superficially? How many professions? People? Is it plausible to sacrifice depth for variety? But then again, life itself is already quite varied. We meet so many amazing people, learn & read so many things; some of us have jumped from job to job and most of us have gone through a heap of phases that, when looking back to the things we used to like and how we used to talk, bring feelings of discomfort and embarrassment. And yet I feel as though, subtly but essentially, that my existence simply cannot be satisfied.

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Krazy

2023-09-01T16:40:14Z

I physically cannot consume coffee fast enough for this, but GAH. Give me all the coffee you guys have, or I will officially go insane.

...Or maybe it's from the coffee. I'm so torn between playing video games, continuing my textbooks in a rigorous study session away from reality, writing the most self-indulgent dirge that will never see the light of day (maybe anonymously on Ao3, you know), or breaking into a random fit of dance. But I've got to do SOMETHING. Boredom does wonderful things like that, I guess. But sometimes I'm way too tired for these things, perhaps the gift of adulthood! Or coffee addiction. Whichever. So,

I'm in dire need of coffee. RAHHHHHH.

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mesmerith @ 2023-08-24T06:19:00

2023-08-24T10:30:32Z

Omg hello my loves!

Holy mooolly those old entries sure are something, lol. Nothing more unappetising than the sheer act of reading old memos from years ago... or well, one year ago, which is so much worse because it isn't that too long ago.

Kindly gouge my eyes out, you guys. Jfksjfkejffnealfkfj Regardless, I'm delighted to be back~ I was cleaning my inbox(es) when I saw a DW email and realised, oh. I totally forgot about this one! And then I logged into this dumpster fire only to surreptitiously regret all the life choices I've made that led me up to this point lollll.

Happy Thursday! x

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Without context

2022-05-17T07:17:40Z

The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

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Books: Red, White & Royal Blue

2022-05-07T23:13:41Z

Last year, I made a personal book review for my second favourite book that fell under the LGBT-literature genre: Red, White & Royal Blue. I don't know where my original post went, but I'm leaving it here for safekeeping.

An easy 5 out of 5!

"So, I just finished reading Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston and I am absolutely stunned and heartbroken (not in a way you'd think) all at the same time.

It's wonderful, oh wonderful.

Red, White & Royal Blue is NOT just a book bound in stiff paper and a flashy pink cover at which you'd never bat an eye. It's all glee-filling—the kind of book I'd willingly pluck from the shelves after a cold, dreadful day to warmly huddle around a fireplace and squeal an internal squeal when the cheeky-but-sweet candy heart effect of the book starts kicking in. I have a big, heavy dictionary stowed in the shelves somewhere and a mind that can memorise the entire thing, but none of the words written there seem to really capture it—this feeling of deep satisfaction, like being bodily plunged head-first into a deep, narrow ravine from which is impossible to resurface and then realising that you are, after all, one with the ocean, and your mind does a full-body lurch, suspended in the water, violently shuffling memories like a deck of cards and bitterly wondering why you had chosen to live in the surface when the ocean embraces you better, and then resigning yourself to letting go of the resentful feeling and just be, relieved and satisfied. Do not let it pass and read this book right this instant, but if you're a picky reader like me and take a million years reading reviews to make sure it's The One, then grant me the honor of telling you what the book is about.

Red, White & Royal Blue is an LGBT romance novel by Casey McQuiston (who, undeniably, also brims with brilliance) that can be best described thus: sworn rivals to "I literally can't stand seeing you sit anywhere within a ten-mile radius of MY table" to "oh my GOD, now I'm forced to pretend to be your best friend for PR reasons and it's all YOUR fault" to "fuck wait you're actually pretty interesting and we click so well but don't think about it too much" to "you haven't been writing back pls reply I'm explicitly missing you but not in a homoerotic way" to "I can write a novel about you and how soft your sandy hair is to the touch because we're really great friends" to "I just want to be with you so I will readily waterboard whoever tries to keep us apart" to sweet, unparalleled lovers.

It's a wonderful story set in 2016—an alternate reality where a Democrat from Texas becomes the first female President of the United States and the first son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, the Mexican-American first son of the United States, slowly but unmistakably falls flat on his face for Henry, the Prince of England. It all starts when one of their verbal altercations turns into a tragic cake-trastophe and they're forced to make-nice with each other despite themselves and, like a modern-day Shakespearean play, they watch the fiery thread between them grow with every email, ever phone call at the asscrack of dawn, and every tensional glance shared, ever, into a full-fledged forbidden romance.

History, huh? *grins*"

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What do I put here?

2022-05-03T21:54:36Z

Ok, no CAPTCHAs here! I was just trying to see if my journal's theme looks good.

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mesmerith @ 2022-05-04T05:52:00

2022-05-03T21:52:51Z

Bee-boop. Are you human?

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