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flexibeasti was recently asked if the o/p dynamic of my relationship with Dee has altered my approach to my other intimate/romantic relationships: has it caused me to become more assertive / dominant overall?
My answer was: "No - if anything, i've moved slightly in the opposite direction."
Since not only becoming Dee's top, but also - as part of that - learning to accept and enjoy the sadistic pleasure i can get from inflicting physical pain on a consenting sexual partner, it feels like there's been somewhat of a pressure release for me. By being able to physically 'vent' on someone who actively derives pleasure from me doing so - within certain boundaries, of course, and with two stages of safewords available at all times - i now feel more relaxed in my approach to my other relationships, more open, more flexible. This process has probably been further assisted by having recently started a fwb-type relationship with someone who also enjoys me topping them.
More generally, it's certainly not the case that i now (or indeed, ever did) expect / require a d/s dynamic from all my sexual partners. Again, on the contrary! Being nonmonogamous, and in a polyamorous dynamic with all my partners, means i don't have to try to get all my needs / desires met via just one person; thus, being able to top with partners who want me to do so means i'm not at all frustrated by not having that aspect from other partners, and am instead free to focus on the further developing those sexual dynamics that do work for both of us.
i have come to accept that being a top and a sadist are integral aspects of who i am; and i've been able to do so because i'm now able to express being a top and a sadist with people who actively want me to express those aspects with them. But being a top and a sadist are not the only two aspects of my sexual self: other significant aspects of my sexual self include enthusiasm for fisting, anal sex, masturbation and group sex. So although there might be many tops out there for whom being a top with sexual partners is a sine qua non, i am most definitely not one of them. :-)
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My answer was: "No - if anything, i've moved slightly in the opposite direction."
Since not only becoming Dee's top, but also - as part of that - learning to accept and enjoy the sadistic pleasure i can get from inflicting physical pain on a consenting sexual partner, it feels like there's been somewhat of a pressure release for me. By being able to physically 'vent' on someone who actively derives pleasure from me doing so - within certain boundaries, of course, and with two stages of safewords available at all times - i now feel more relaxed in my approach to my other relationships, more open, more flexible. This process has probably been further assisted by having recently started a fwb-type relationship with someone who also enjoys me topping them.
More generally, it's certainly not the case that i now (or indeed, ever did) expect / require a d/s dynamic from all my sexual partners. Again, on the contrary! Being nonmonogamous, and in a polyamorous dynamic with all my partners, means i don't have to try to get all my needs / desires met via just one person; thus, being able to top with partners who want me to do so means i'm not at all frustrated by not having that aspect from other partners, and am instead free to focus on the further developing those sexual dynamics that do work for both of us.
i have come to accept that being a top and a sadist are integral aspects of who i am; and i've been able to do so because i'm now able to express being a top and a sadist with people who actively want me to express those aspects with them. But being a top and a sadist are not the only two aspects of my sexual self: other significant aspects of my sexual self include enthusiasm for fisting, anal sex, masturbation and group sex. So although there might be many tops out there for whom being a top with sexual partners is a sine qua non, i am most definitely not one of them. :-)
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