a bloody nose, a kiss from god

it's been a few days hasn't it?

well, my time has basically consisted of watching TV, cleaning and making video edits/AMVs. i have made over twenty at this point, and i'm not stopping anytime soon. i have accounts on instagram and tiktok where i post them, and i've gotten a lot of traction. i'm very proud of what i've been accomplishing.

we've been catching up on stranger things, but honestly? it's hard for me to get through season three with the way that they treat billy. with will, they were so careful and sweet with him. with billy? KILL HIM, BURN IT OUT OF HIM, WHO GIVES A FUCK? yeah, he's a jerk. no, he doesn't deserve to be burned ALIVE. these kids are absolutely psychotic. i know i want to get to eddie, but it's difficult for me to even watch.

i'm still obviously unemployed, and nothing is hiring. my resume is also a bit patchy, and nobody wants to hire me because of it. i left jobs after a few months because of my severe mental health, and i know that doesn't look good to potential employers. i just need a job so badly. i don't know what to do.

we're getting mcdonald's tonight, and i'm excited about it. apparently, i'm craving those little cheeseburgers, LOL. that and maybe a big orange soda. i know it's terrible for me, but it's so good.

...a man who deserved a life ♡

i've been re-reading stuart: a life backwards and i'm loving it even more the second time around. stuart clive shorter was such an extraordinary man. he passed almost 25 years ago, but i feel like i knew him. i think, honestly, that we have a spiritual connection of some kind. he died just around the time my life started falling apart (in 2002). perhaps we were some sort of soulmates, i don't know for sure. i just know i love him deeply and i feel his energy, in some way.

we're ordering sonic tonight, and i'm very happy about it. we haven't gotten it in years. i ordered a chicken sandwich with fries, and a blue raspberry lemonade. very excited :D

last night, we went to see the 45th anniversary of the evil dead (1981). seeing baby!bruce campbell and those practical effects on a big screen was a truly beautiful experience. we had a great time ^^

tonight, we're continuing season 3 of stranger things. i'm not looking forward to seeing billy sacrifice himself, but dacre's acting is fucking phenomenal. he is too good.

we got some groceries today! there's sandwich stuff and i got myself some frozen chimichangas, which are fucking delicious, LMAO. we also got some mini pies including a strawberry cream one, which i'm highly looking forward to. i also got some drake's coffee cakes, which made me say out loud, "i'm becoming my mother." xD

i have this new app called egge, which is a micro-blogging site (although allows a lot more characters than some others). it's a lot of fun! you can post music, movies/TV, books or whatever you want to say, and people can react with any emoji they choose. i have around 10 friends on there, and it's really nice to add people and react to their posts. i don't have twitter or bluesky anymore, as i didn't love those, and this one is just my speed. i post pictures of red, or whatever i'm watching or listening to at the moment. it's nice.

i have been dreamily sighing over a particular guy, and i know i don't know him (he's famous), but god, i want to. he's the most down-to-earth, sweet, funny, kind man and i want to be his friend, for sure. maybe a lot more! (bet you can't guess who he is, haha!)

we're going to see faces of death one last time before they take it out of theaters, and i'm really happy about it. dacre is phenomenal as a psycho killer (fuh fa fa fa fa..) and i can't wait to see him again. his eyes are mesmerizing. what a doll.

i'm considering starting to use youtube videos to workout at home. i'm so tired of my body and feeling dysphoric as all hell, so gaining muscle would be the thing. i found a specifically male workout without equipment, and it's tough, but i want to do it three times a week. i can't look like this anymore. i can't feel like this anymore. ugh.

jeez louise! i have not had a proper online journal in what feels like seventy years!

i might as well start with my past day. last week, i started a membership with AMC A-List Stubs and it's made me really, really happy. they had an awesome deal so i decided: why the hell not? now i'm seeing movies when i never could before! i've watched faces of death (with mr. dacre montgomery) twice, and also saw the new super mario bros galaxy movie a couple of times (once today). the latter film was cute as hell! i saw it both times in 3D and it worked really well for the film. the opening where they're taking you through the stars was gorgeous! faces of death was awesome, too. dacre and barbie fucking killed it ;)

yesterday, i had a bad breakdown. i do suspect after all of my trauma, i do have BPD. i will be talking to someone about it once i get a psychiatrist again. my meltdowns can indeed be attributed to autism, but i wonder anyway. i guess a professional diagnosis is the best way to go. i also want to ask about what i think is OCD. i have had taboo OCD thoughts since i was fifteen, and they are insufferable. we'll see what diagnosis i get. i already have a boatload of them.

my kitty red did a naughty thing the other day. she was so excited to get in my bedroom window that she SPRINTED into the screen, knocking it clean out. luckily, i got to her in time (she was frozen at the windowsill due to my very manly scream) and picked her up to her safety. she has since lost her window privileges, but i'll let her sit in the window while it's closed. not that she wants that xD

well, maybe more will be on the way. i will try to journal every day, as i am currently unemployed. hopefully, that'll change soon! [fingers crossed]

farewell, y'all.