Things are busy and it's eaten my brain
May. 10th, 2019 10:58 am![[personal profile]](/post-https-www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hrafnI mean, work has been intense enough since, well, February, really, that when I'm at home I just want to do chill things, and reading updates here (let alone writing) feels like Too Much. I'm not happy about that.
Anyway, since the weather got warm, and we have a LOT more customers in, it's just gotten worse :) :) :) and won't be calming down any until prolly July (June might be calmer than May, however).
I am back on 5 days a week, which is good for my finances, but dammit, I had just gotten used to my 3-day weekends! And with the nice weather, I actually wanted to get out more and take advantage of the extra time!
A couple weeks ago I sent a resume in to a local engineering consulting and forestry company. No openings to match my background, but they had the usual "We're always looking for talent" language on their site, so I figured what the hey (and I found them 'cause I went looking 'cause I got a nudge from one of the Powers, and it felt right, though of course whether it will truly lead directly to a new job or it's just another signpost indicating I'm heading in the right direction is always a question).
I keep asking The Powers That Be for more insight into when the fuck am I actually leaving this place and the strongest indications I have now are for July. sigh. I hoped to leave before the Big Sale at the end of the month. I'm tired of many of my other recurring tasks. I don't want to have to plan another fucking class, or start work on bigger events for later in the season. *whine* I don't wanna have to wooooooooooooork, it's haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.
One of my coworkers, who's been telling me in private for months that she plans to leave sometime this summer or fall, finally told the owner of her plans. Apparently he'd had hopes she might sometime step into a bigger managerial role, which he had never told her until she said "I'm going to leave to pursue [things I care more about]." Because why would he do anything other than hint about it! ("You could take on more responsibilities sometime.")
Everyone's super fucking stressed because of how busy things are. And, as usual, some of the new seasonal staff aren't up to speed as quickly as we hope everyone could be, and some of them (ok, the same one(s)) also don't respond well to correction, so, you know, morale among the older staff is still pretty terrible! After a terrible winter!
We're also behind at work because of the way winter turned out, with the heavy snow in late February that brought so much to a near-stop for weeks. Most of the nurseries we buy plants from are also behind, for the same reasons. One of them had $30,000 worth of plants die because of winter stuff (a lack of snow at a crucial time - snow which would have insulated the plants), so they took an additional awful hit. Our wholesale person, who also drives our truck and picks up 90% of our trees and shrubs, is essentially working double-time right now, because the boss didn't fucking try hiring an additional person to work on that stuff until April, and so now she is doing all the wholesale stuff, PLUS the truck driving, PLUS training the new seasonal people to help her at various things. No wonder the boss put her on salary last year, instead of hourly like the rest of us.
I've had a number of my own complaints at work lately, mostly connected with the boss, but I just don't feel like putting any energy into going over them again right now. I hate the man.
......
My trip to Portland was good but busy. I brought home several new plants from several places - the big orchid show, and several plant shops/garden centers - and had a good visit with the friend I stayed with.
I've also recently repotted a lot of my perennials and several of the roses. One of them looks like it didn't survive the winter after all. One of my newer perennials survived the winter - it is winter hardy here - but there was a cold snap the weekend I was out of town, not lower than the lowest temps we had all winter, but this cold snap came after the poor plant had started leafing out. I haven't seen any new growth on it since then, so I'm afraid it may be dead now.
I also picked up several native plants, one from work and the others from a native plant nursery I FINALLY made it to (at the end of my Portland trip, on a day off entirely here in town, a day off my boss was Quite Displeased I took, but I said I didn't want to write about that didn't I. Fuck him anyway, I was expecting it to be my NORMAL WEEKEND when I made my original plans, and not that I'd have to ask for my NORMAL WEEKEND in addition to the extra days!).
The plants I've been overwintered on the porch and in my apartment are all outside now, though I'm bringing the basils and tomato in to the porch at nights for a while longer. I have no idea what kind of tomato I have! It had a broken stem and was set next to one of the compost buckets at work, so I took it home. It had new growth coming up, so I'm sure it'll be fine. (Two of the basils were rescues as well, though one of them may not make it.)
.........
I stumbled onto another batch of writing about autism, most of which has been helpful (like this one), but I swear most of this stuff also makes me want to cry. Some of it is from a sort of relief - the "other people are like this!" kind of relief. Some of it is from pain from not knowing for so fucking long. And some of it is from something that's much harder to articulate. It's like . . . I'm being told that all my life where I felt competent, I was completely delusional about it. And/or that all the years I thought people liked me, they were all merely tolerating me. (I'm sure in some cases this is true, as it surely is for everyone, and I do KNOW that I've had numerous real friends whose affection wasn't/isn't faked.)
IDK. There's something here that's been horrifying me for the last 2+ years I've been staring at this crap. It's not that I wish I was "normal" because that has never been the case, but I don't want /this/, either. Maybe it's just that it pretty much destroyed my sense of self - I'm an introvert, right, that's why I need a lot of alone time, hate small talk, don't "get" other people, etc., etc., etc.
Lies. All lies.
.........
It's another gorgeous day out and earlier in the week I had plans to get out this morning and go to a park along the river (Fri-Sat are my weekend now), enjoy the scenery and the PLANTS, but I am so tired and sore from work that it's getting close to lunch and I'm still in my pajamas.
OH shit that means the basils and tomato haven't gone outside yet! Oh well.
Anyway, since the weather got warm, and we have a LOT more customers in, it's just gotten worse :) :) :) and won't be calming down any until prolly July (June might be calmer than May, however).
I am back on 5 days a week, which is good for my finances, but dammit, I had just gotten used to my 3-day weekends! And with the nice weather, I actually wanted to get out more and take advantage of the extra time!
A couple weeks ago I sent a resume in to a local engineering consulting and forestry company. No openings to match my background, but they had the usual "We're always looking for talent" language on their site, so I figured what the hey (and I found them 'cause I went looking 'cause I got a nudge from one of the Powers, and it felt right, though of course whether it will truly lead directly to a new job or it's just another signpost indicating I'm heading in the right direction is always a question).
I keep asking The Powers That Be for more insight into when the fuck am I actually leaving this place and the strongest indications I have now are for July. sigh. I hoped to leave before the Big Sale at the end of the month. I'm tired of many of my other recurring tasks. I don't want to have to plan another fucking class, or start work on bigger events for later in the season. *whine* I don't wanna have to wooooooooooooork, it's haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.
One of my coworkers, who's been telling me in private for months that she plans to leave sometime this summer or fall, finally told the owner of her plans. Apparently he'd had hopes she might sometime step into a bigger managerial role, which he had never told her until she said "I'm going to leave to pursue [things I care more about]." Because why would he do anything other than hint about it! ("You could take on more responsibilities sometime.")
Everyone's super fucking stressed because of how busy things are. And, as usual, some of the new seasonal staff aren't up to speed as quickly as we hope everyone could be, and some of them (ok, the same one(s)) also don't respond well to correction, so, you know, morale among the older staff is still pretty terrible! After a terrible winter!
We're also behind at work because of the way winter turned out, with the heavy snow in late February that brought so much to a near-stop for weeks. Most of the nurseries we buy plants from are also behind, for the same reasons. One of them had $30,000 worth of plants die because of winter stuff (a lack of snow at a crucial time - snow which would have insulated the plants), so they took an additional awful hit. Our wholesale person, who also drives our truck and picks up 90% of our trees and shrubs, is essentially working double-time right now, because the boss didn't fucking try hiring an additional person to work on that stuff until April, and so now she is doing all the wholesale stuff, PLUS the truck driving, PLUS training the new seasonal people to help her at various things. No wonder the boss put her on salary last year, instead of hourly like the rest of us.
I've had a number of my own complaints at work lately, mostly connected with the boss, but I just don't feel like putting any energy into going over them again right now. I hate the man.
......
My trip to Portland was good but busy. I brought home several new plants from several places - the big orchid show, and several plant shops/garden centers - and had a good visit with the friend I stayed with.
I've also recently repotted a lot of my perennials and several of the roses. One of them looks like it didn't survive the winter after all. One of my newer perennials survived the winter - it is winter hardy here - but there was a cold snap the weekend I was out of town, not lower than the lowest temps we had all winter, but this cold snap came after the poor plant had started leafing out. I haven't seen any new growth on it since then, so I'm afraid it may be dead now.
I also picked up several native plants, one from work and the others from a native plant nursery I FINALLY made it to (at the end of my Portland trip, on a day off entirely here in town, a day off my boss was Quite Displeased I took, but I said I didn't want to write about that didn't I. Fuck him anyway, I was expecting it to be my NORMAL WEEKEND when I made my original plans, and not that I'd have to ask for my NORMAL WEEKEND in addition to the extra days!).
The plants I've been overwintered on the porch and in my apartment are all outside now, though I'm bringing the basils and tomato in to the porch at nights for a while longer. I have no idea what kind of tomato I have! It had a broken stem and was set next to one of the compost buckets at work, so I took it home. It had new growth coming up, so I'm sure it'll be fine. (Two of the basils were rescues as well, though one of them may not make it.)
.........
I stumbled onto another batch of writing about autism, most of which has been helpful (like this one), but I swear most of this stuff also makes me want to cry. Some of it is from a sort of relief - the "other people are like this!" kind of relief. Some of it is from pain from not knowing for so fucking long. And some of it is from something that's much harder to articulate. It's like . . . I'm being told that all my life where I felt competent, I was completely delusional about it. And/or that all the years I thought people liked me, they were all merely tolerating me. (I'm sure in some cases this is true, as it surely is for everyone, and I do KNOW that I've had numerous real friends whose affection wasn't/isn't faked.)
IDK. There's something here that's been horrifying me for the last 2+ years I've been staring at this crap. It's not that I wish I was "normal" because that has never been the case, but I don't want /this/, either. Maybe it's just that it pretty much destroyed my sense of self - I'm an introvert, right, that's why I need a lot of alone time, hate small talk, don't "get" other people, etc., etc., etc.
Lies. All lies.
.........
It's another gorgeous day out and earlier in the week I had plans to get out this morning and go to a park along the river (Fri-Sat are my weekend now), enjoy the scenery and the PLANTS, but I am so tired and sore from work that it's getting close to lunch and I'm still in my pajamas.
OH shit that means the basils and tomato haven't gone outside yet! Oh well.
