[sticky entry] Sticky: welcome!

Oct. 1st, 2025 02:03 pm
sparklecat: (Default)
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im sparklecat!Image
A friend to monstersImage
a breaker of the rules of grammar, a questioner of the rules of society,
and a nonbinary, aromantic slut who overthinks EVERYTHING.Image
please use they/them pronouns for me.
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If i make any changes to this post, it'll be through editing it.
click to learn about me! )
thanks for reading! 

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sparklecat: (Default)
 if you just received like, a boatload of notifications from me, sorry about that. I was messing around with access filters, and now i *think* i have all my personal and vent posts under the "mutuals" filter. 
If you arent and would like to be! just comment and ill add you, i just wanted to take advantage of the features of this website. or at least try to?

While i'm here, this is an absolutely fantastic video I watched recently about russell t davies, bisexuality, and the new loki tv show. 

I really liked queer as folk, but i seemed to have heard from other folks that torchwood was a notoriously queerbaity show, though it doesnt it seem like it actually was. maybe ill have to check it out! or at the very least, watch doctor who again. 
sparklecat: (Default)
 Hello! Below the cut is a short essay I wrote for my seasonal zine, Elemental. if you are interesting in reading more, please check it out! it is also free to print and distribute. I decided I wanted to "crosspost" some of my writing, as a way of being more active on here and maybe even finding like-minded folks to discuss with! while I do not enjoy going to amusement parks, I am fascinated with the history, construction, and maintenance of them.
click here! )

thank you for reading, i am quite new to nonfiction writing. this was also so short as well because of the limited space it needed to fit into. I encourage you to please check out elemental! there are some pictures I added in the zine that i couldn't add here. 
sparklecat: (Default)
My plans keep getting thrown off, so I am a bit discombobulated this week. thinking feels a bit like trying to wade through sticky syrup, but I can feel a bunch of creative ideas just begging to be turned into stuff.....like a Maze zine! and more "ads" for my website. I also should probably read some more books so I can write out reccs for the summer issue...

The Media Roundup
Good Fortune
a well-meaning but rather inept angel named Gabriel (Keanu Reeves) meddles in the lives of a struggling gig worker (Aziz Ansari) and a wealthy venture capitalist (Seth Rogen).
aaahahaha, I am such a fan of Keanu, for obvious reasons. Imagethe movie is funny, and silly, and I enjoyed it, but whatever commentary its trying to make about rich people and capitalism falls flat on account of how rich the people making it are. (Aziz Ansari wrote it) anyway who cares about that Gabriel the angel is soooooo adorable!!!! he eats the chicken nuggies....

Cyberpunk 2077
an open-world, action-adventure RPG set in the dark future of Night City — a dangerous megalopolis obsessed with power, glamor, and ceaseless body modification.
been playing the SHIT out of this game, wowow it is huge! about 45 hours in and kind of ignoring the main plot in favor of doing all kinds of side jobs. i really like driving around and listening to the radio. its worth mentioning Ive never played any game like this before, and now i kinda wanna see what the hype around skyrim and fallout is about.....and red dead redemption!

The World of Cyberpunk 2077
The Art book for the video game, absolutely gorgeous, has alot of fun in-universe details. i love extensive lore timelines!!!!!
sparklecat: (Default)
i keep trying to "leave" the internet, but it feels more like isolation. ugh. I have been working really hard on puzzles, and made my own maga"zine"! puzzlesportfolio.neocities.org/zines/elementalmag2.pdf is the link for it....its got word search, crossword, a small "history of" animatronics. the theme is Spring!!
I am not good at talking about this stuff.
Wanna reorganize my website.
More things I've Made:
top checked out books in 2025, word search
banned book word scramble
Chica's Pizza Mixup! (word scramble)
The importance of being Earnest character name word search
Rabbit Word Search
Rabbit Crossword
i really like learning more about graphic design.
sparklecat: (halloween)
happy halloween 🎃
im on a roadtrip right now! i brought my cd player, and a bunch of mix cds i made. 
sparklecat: (poems)
Image
 An Autumn Greeting
"Come," said the Wind to the Leaves one day.
"Come over the meadow and we will play.
Put on your dresses of red and gold.
For summer is gone and the days grow cold."
-George Cooper

Leaves
How silently they tumble down
And come to rest upon the ground
To lay a carpet, rich and rare,
Beneath the trees without a care,
Content to sleep, their work well done, 
Colours gleaming in the sun.

At other times, they wildly fly
Until they nearly reach the sky.
Twisting, turning through the air
Till all the trees stand stark and bare.
Exhausted, drop to earth below
To wait, like children, for the snow.
-Elsie N. Brady

The Autumn Leaves
In autumn
the trees wave in the wind
and the leaves come tumbling
down,
down, 
down,
down.
 
Here they come,
hundreds and thousands of leaves
in yellow, red,
hazel,
gold
and 
chocolate brown.
 
-Wes Magee
Image
(found in the book Sing a Song Of Seasons; A nature poem for each day of the year, by Fiona Waters)

20s butch

Oct. 22nd, 2025 08:26 am
sparklecat: (Default)
 hehe. could describe our gender presentation today as a 1920s butch. plus, we come with a big floppy yellow sweater today!
sparklecat: (poems)
 What an age! Every one is dying, everything is dying, and the earth is dying also, eaten up by the sun and wind. I dont know where i get the courage to keep living on in the midst of these ruins. Let us love each other to the end.
-George Sand, 1870
sparklecat: (plural)
writing up some sort of guide for us when we "forget" about the whole being a system thing, or cant believe it.
things to include so far are important experiences of us realizing we are plural (from our old journals), common experiences we have had that led to the conclusion, stuff our friends and loved ones have told us, and then some sort of FAQ. 
questions:
Are we like, officially diagnosed?
Who knows about this?
how long have we known, and how long has this been going on?
does this mean we experiences something bad?
what happened (in the simplest of terms)

this is something we are putting in a journal which doesnt have a name yet, but the plan is for it to essentially be an external, shared memory bank/ maintenance log/ how to guides for the care and keeping of the body. 

sparklecat: (halloween)

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Found this book, After the Shelter by Brenda Reeves Sturgis, at work today.
its about a kid and their mom moving from a shelter into an apartment. its really cute, and I wish i had something like this as a baby child, because i never saw other kids when I was homeless, and it felt really isolating to be a kid and be homeless, especially since i knew people looked down on you for it. 
It also mentions things like being excited to choose what to eat, and what to watch on tv. its very cute. 
sparklecat: (Default)
today was busy! we have an outfit picked out for a soonish wedding, very exciting stuff! making asparagus, mashed potatoes, carrots, and pork chops tonoight for dinner! 
oh yes. we also received a package from a very dear internet friend. im always so excited to see my friends handwriting, and getting to touch things they have also touched (and he made me a little animal which is SUPER COOL.)
sparklecat: (plural)
Hi, this might be a bit of a weird post, but I have had the idea kicking around ever since i read "When Rabbit Howls" by the Troop for Trudi. I really liked Jane in the tv show of doom patrol, I felt very connected to all the confusion and self-hatred they experience as a system. heres the problem:

Did doom patrol take the plot of "when Rabbit Howls" and use it for Jane's backstory? if so, why?

there are several reasons why I think this, the specificity of the alter-characters in doom patrol, and the existence of a "well". I want to do more research so I can come up with like, concrete reasons why I think this, but I was hoping to see if i am the only one who ever thought this, or even if this has been long proved to be the case and I never got the memo. 

edit: read the comments!
sparklecat: (plural)
 links we find useful or interesting but havent read yet
how to find a therapist
the multiple code
system governments  

how things are going:
working on creating a toolkit for using coping skills along with some sort of thing with all collected IMPORTANT information about the body and how to work it properly. (legal name, age, body presentaton, what is expected of us generally, our job and external relationships)

we are also working on a "emotional pain scale", as introduced to us by [personal profile] lb_lee  
the most simplest version is a "green yellow red" that a former therapist taught us, which defines green as "capable of being present, can change mind, can think about things in shades of gray" yellow as "not present, but capable of reason", and red, which is "uncapable of calming down or being in the present moment, incapable of reason", with the dividing line between yellow and red being "involuntary twitches and stutters"

 
honestly, we have been trawling LB Lee's website and dreamwidth and trying to read as many of their informational works as we can. we also bought a few of their works and !!!hopefully we will get them soon and can read them. Plus we have been inspired to dig back out our copy of "got parts" that we got a million years ago and promptly abandoned.

Speaking of abandonment, we have a habit of "rediscovering" we are a system over, and over, and over again. does anyone have any tips to keep this from happening? it sort of feels like something is making us forget, or someone, and when we really press on the issue, we suddenly find ourselves losing our train of thought, dissociating, being compelled to smoke like, an inordinate amount of weed. 

the hope is we can try communicating with each other, but we dont have good discernment between a headmate and intrusive thoughts, or if they are a headmates intrusive thoughts? our brain sort of feels like multiple trains of thought all bouncing against and affecting each other. some headmates have strong "voices" and can be picked out, but others tangle. we also have a tendency to "glitch" or "stutter" our thoughts, so that someone might get stuck thinking the same thing, despite actively trying to keep moving. We also have not had good experience with visualizing, and we suspect some part of us has aphantasia.

it really does feel as if we have several brains crammed into one brain, all layered on top of each other, with their own intrusive thoughts and brain impulses, as aposed to how we typically see things described, as the body being controlled by vessels that exist in a place in the body's head, and share one brain. 

does any of this make sense? augh!
sparklecat: (plural)
  Ugh........Learning about yourself SUCKS. I had a bit of a freakout last week and learned alot about just how little i understand myself.
plurality is something that obviously defines us right now, but it feels more than a little maladaptive. we don't communicate! we just pass the buck of having to Deal With Stuff around, so we all feel stressed and all feel like nothing is working. 
We have some Named People, but that doesn't really help us identify each other. its like we are all strangers, despite living in the same body. its all so confusing. who is doing what and why is something we really struggle with. and despite trying all that mindfulness stuff, it just makes us feel more disconnected. Who am I, how do we think, what do we like?
 
it feels like such a big obstacle, we don't know where to start. 
 
how do you get to know yourself? what does it feel like when you do something for yourself, rather than just because you think you should? I feel so disconnected from this body! despite being a completely independent adult, I feel like I have no agency!
 
How do we get to know ourself, and also not completely fall apart in the meantime?
sparklecat: (review)
 Books im reading:
Black Arms to Hold You Up, Ben Passmore
graphic novels, i cannot get enough of them. alot of this one went over my head i think? I didnt really get that the father was supposed to be metaphorical, and i still dont think I get it, really. also, though, history! I love learning about American history. there is a reading list at the back of the book that i want to use. Image
Mafia Bride, CD Reiss
this is a very silly pick, but im liking it wayyy more than I thought. obviously, i have a thing for scary guysImage, but what i did not expect is how much i love the FMC! usually, at best the FMC reads as a reader insert to me, shes very bleh and projectable. this girl has her own opinions! and they contradict each other! I love it. i feel kind of like a friend being told her thoughts and feelings, its very personal. 
Lobo, Big Fragging Compendium, Vol 1
I did just find out about Lobo, and I dunno how I had never heard of him before because he is absolutely fantastic. I read his dialogue in a Hulk Hogan voice. how is he not more popular???Image My Lady says there is a version of him in one of the comics that is a trans man, but ive yet to see proof. 
Movies ive seen:
Sinners
Trying to leave their troubled lives behind, twin brothers return to their hometown to start again, only to discover that an even greater evil is waiting to welcome them back.
finally watched this one! I knew i would love it, and my opinion has not changed. vampires just come preloaded with soo much drama, and that, combined with the complexities of the 30s in southern america already set this thing up to be a favorite of mine. the music, the complex interpersonal relationships, and the political commentary were just cherries on the cake. I did spend alot of the movie confused about the level of personal agency the vampires have vis a vis turning other people. also, i think they were a little bit of a hivemind, and i still cant decide whether they all hiveminded with the irish vampire because they came from him, or if all vampires just share things like that. 
I also, though they break my heart, love a "get to know and love all these characters before they die" type movie. it really makes you consider the meaning meaningless things hold. Like, i knew pretty much from the beginning we were gonna see a bloodbath at this juke joint, but that didnt stop me from really loving all the characters there, and hoping each one was going to make it out. 
then again, it also makes you think about the irish vampires whole argument as to why they all had to be turned. he was right, the Klan was coming to ruin that place in the morning, and the implication was that they (KKK) would have killed them all anyway, not to mention just the fact all of the guests, and family and everyone were black men and women living in the south during jim crow. things were BLEAK! but does that justify taking away their choice to keep living as humans anyway? How can you decide someone else will prefer to never see the sunrise again?
I dont know if you can tell, but i am going to be watching this movie with anyone i can. Image

More random thoughts:
  • the twins are fantastic, I like how they are a bit color-coded with the red and blue. there is a joke here about "Michael B. Jordan and Michael R. Jordan".
  • the effect for the vampires eyes glowing is SOOO COOL. 
  • the first thing sammie's dad did after he stumbled into church looking half dead was not ask what happened or see if hes ok, but make him go through some stupid shame ritual. boooooo bad dad.
  • the scene with the music and all the people throughout time just about made me cry.  
Superman
Superman must reconcile his alien Kryptonian heritage with his human upbringing as reporter Clark Kent. As the embodiment of truth, justice and the human way he soon finds himself in a world that views these as old-fashioned.
cute. i got it on dvd for my birthday, and i just knew i was gonna love it. definitely don't think it had as much to say as i hoped it would, but once again i am being slowly worn over to the DC side of things. (is the marvel dc rivalry still a thing? i grew up in a staunchly Marvel Family (pre-MCU), and it was a big deal to say you liked DC. Image
 
One battle After another
When their evil enemy resurfaces after 16 years, a group of ex-revolutionaries reunite to rescue the daughter of one of their own.
I saw this with My Lady in the theatre, and it was Really Good! the contrast between leonardo dicaprio's bumbling antics and everyone elses competance was really fun. the skateboarding parkour ninjas?? fantastic.
Edit: Notable moments include:
"why is your shirt so tight"
"i am not gay"
"thats not what i was-"
"I am not a homosexual if thats what your implying"
 
general random life updates:
  • i got an 80 on my sociology midterm. that thing really stumped me! i need to maybe do some flashcards or something to help connect each theorist and what they did. 
  • the deadline is fast approaching for me to find someone to interview for my folklore class. I meant to put up a flyer, but i didnt, so now i just think im gonna ask around, maybe make a reddit post?? my Lady offered to be interviewed, but i wanted to find someone with a Really Cool Monster Encounter. 
  • My work is having a staff dinner next week! the theme is Celestial and you have NO IDEA how hyped i am for it. 
  • I found the SOFTEST yellow yarn and am making a half double crochet scarf with it. 
sparklecat: (Default)
hello again! i think (knock on wood) i can say im not sick anymore. i also FINALLY got my financial aid processed for school, so thats one less thing to worry about. i also stopped by the farmers market and got more pumpkins!! yay pumpkins. it was really foggy this morning, felt so autumnal.
my hopes for today:

do some laundry
throw out that old cat tree
watch Sinners?
go to a friends birthday

sparklecat: (mangle)
uughhh. awake so early. i keep going to sleep early in hopes of getting more of it, and then wake up earlier anyway! 
still sick. i reallyyyy wish i didnt have to go to work. 
sparklecat: (mangle)
 called into work today, does anyone have any tricks for getting over colds?

tw more family venting.. )
going to make myself soup (tomato, the best kind), and then go to sleep early. maybe journal or read, but no more tiktoks!! (i say, to myself. i have a habit of getting stuck in bedddd rot.) i wish i could keep my phone OUT of my bedroom entirely....

spiffikins 365 question meme
( picked some random questions,,, whoops)
16. Which wild animal would you adopt as a pet and why?
a raccoon or a fox??? both because they are so cute! if i had to pick like a SUPER wild animal, a tiger....Image
17. When was the last time you tried something new?
uhmmm probably a while ago? i started making my own coffee instead of buying it.....it doesnt taste as good, so i dunno how to move forward there.
18. What is your favorite room in your home and why?
i really like the living room since it feels like it has so much life in it! me and my housemates often have like, alot  of people over. i always feel really good having all my loved ones in one places
19. If TV and the internet didn’t exist, what would you do with your time?
THAT IS THE QUESTION, aha, aha, aha. crochet more, READ more. probably write. definetly read more, since most of what i do on HERE already is reading. 
20. What are some major inventions that happened during your lifetime?
smart phone? probably smart phone. oh wait 3-d printing!!! 
sparklecat: (skeptic)
 LONDON. Michaelmas term lately over, and the Lord Chancellor sitting in Lincoln’s Inn Hall. Implacable November weather. As much mud in the streets, as if the waters had but newly retired from the face of the earth, and it would not be wonderful to meet a Megalosaurus, forty feet long or so, waddling like an elephantine lizard up Holborn Hill. Smoke lowering down from chimney-pots, making a soft black drizzle with flakes of soot in it as big as full-grown snowflakes—gone into mourning, one might imagine, for the death of the sun. Dogs, undistinguishable in mire. Horses, scarcely better; splashed to their very blinkers. Foot passengers, jostling one another’s umbrellas, in a general infection of ill-temper, and losing their foot-hold at street-corners, where tens of thousands of other foot passengers have been slipping and sliding since the day broke (if this day ever broke), adding new deposits to the crust upon crust of mud, sticking at those points tenaciously to the pavement, and accumulating at compound interest.
 
In the interest of proving something to myself, I'm going to be going through and re-interpreting this paragraph. I got the idea from Project muse's study on the reading comprehension of English majors. 

my interpretation )

Alright, onto some interesting articles! 
The dawn of the post literate society
 
Is the Decline of Reading making politics...dumber?
I am of the digital native generation (Gen z) and being on my phone, and i would argue many of my friends feel the same way, is pretty much synonomous with being apart of the real world. I got my first phone, an iphone, at 12, and since that day, I had never gone anywhere or done anything without my phone until a few years ago. I was hanging out with my then-friend-now-girlfriend, and we were having so much fun we left to run errands before i realized i didn't have my phone. It felt so freeing, I didn't realize how much my phone felt like an extension of me until that moment. 

I left social media recently due to how horrid it makes me feel. I would spend hours upon hours sitting in bed staring at reels/tiktok/shorts (it didnt matter which app), feeling just plain bad. I didn't care about any of the stuff i was seeing, but it didn't matter, because all i had to do was scroll and i would see something new that i would inevitably also not care about. 

I also used to consider myself a voracious reader, someone obsessed with learning and debating and trying new things. I'm not going to pretend its all the phones fault, I think my generation has gotten enough shit about "always being on that damn phone" for a lifetime, but I do agree, the Apps, the Algorithm. it feels a bit like a psychic snake, worming its way into my brain and keeping me from doing what i really want. 

I dont want to fear monger, but its scary to me that there is a greater access for the common folk to information than any other time in human history, but it seems people are just...choosing not to. arguments I have heard often in my job (i work as a librarian) is that it all being accessible is the problem. noone worries about internalizing information, because they can always just look it up again. I personally all through highschool was of the opinion that all these tests and quizzes and essays were useless, because anything you could ever want to know you could just look up.

At least in my case, I have learned now that it is far more annoying in the long run to look the same thing up over and over again, not to mention the lack of confidence in your own intelligence that grows when you cannot even trust yourself to remember something important to you.

sparklecat: (halloween)
below is a list of the horror movies id like to watch this october. most likely wont get to all, or even most, but I have fun making the lists. Image
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click me! )
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thanks for reading! whats your favorite halloween movie, or scary movie?

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