Memento Mori

There's this narrative that I see a lot in the alterhuman community where a lot of people talk about how they've always known that they weren't human or what have you. Or like, they showed signs of their alter/nonhumanity at a young age. I've never understood this or related to it.

I grew up with this feeling of alienation and the like, but I was different than my peers in a lot of ways. It wasn't some misperception. However among these feelings and differences was never a sense of nonhumanity. That really came later, in my early teen years.

I think, really, my experience with realizing my nonhumanity is much the opposite of how a lot of others describe their feelings. For others I've talked to, it's the alienation that follows the feeling of nonhumanity, but for me, it's like the alienation bred an environment to become less human over time.

It's a mindset where if humans don't want anything to do with me, and I already stand out, then that means that I must not be human. And then when my schizotypal symptoms began to show themselves more as a teenager, it became a perfect combination of factors for the development of my nonhuman and fictionfolk identities.

Anyway, this post is kind of nonsense. Just a ramble of some thoughts that I've been having currently. I'm probably going to post things with more structure in the near future, though. I think my problem is just that it never feels like I have anything valuable to say at any given time? I don't know.