allekha: Bright embroidered flowers on black background (Embroidery on black)
[personal profile] allekha
For the first time in the history of my AO3 account, I received a comment worth reporting to Abuse as harassment. Not upset or anything, but I'm curious to see if they handle it any faster than the usual. So far: response slower than the last few 'art scam' spammer comments I reported, though I hear there's a big sporting game on or something.

In better news, the zinnias and dianthus I planted are starting to bloom 🥰

I'm also getting back into using flashcards for Japanese, and I fiiiiiinally switched over to Anki like everyone else did a decade+ ago lol. Mnemosyne worked a lot better for me visually, but the latest version is quite slow and development seems to have ground to a halt, and it turns out Anki now has plugins to make it look nicer than a prison wall, and a better algorithm too. Since I needed to make a new deck anyway... Anki it is. It's been about three days, and with some colors poured into the UI, it's not so bad. 語彙力を高めなきゃ😤

Chaghan's Death

Jul. 7th, 2026 07:17 pm
rocky41_7: (Default)
[personal profile] rocky41_7

Flinging myself into the sun over Chaghan's death and its impact on Esen and Baoxiang.

The night before Chaghan's death, Baoxiang and Chaghan have a really awful fight, where Chaghan draws his blade on Baoxiang (who is unarmed); whether or not he would have actually killed Baoxiang if Esen hadn't intervened is unclear. (Chapter 12)

Esen found himself without anything to say. Up until this moment he had truly believed that if Baoxiang would just try, he could still be the son Chaghan wanted. But now he knew it had always been impossible.
As if reading his mind, Baoxiang said simply, "See?"

The next day, after the hunt, when Baoxiang is refused a horse on his father's orders, they fight again (Chapter 12):

Lord Wang met his eyes, pale and defiant. "So am I to find out by happenstance, from the servants, that my own father has disowned me?"
Chaghan said coldly, "Your father? I thought I had made it clear that you've lost any right you had to use that name. Would that my sister had died before getting you! Get out of my sight! Get out!"

Yet, seconds later, when Chaghan is in danger (Chapter 12):

"Father!" Lord Wang's voice was shrill with horror as he threw himself lengthwise into the dirt at the edge, heedless of his silks...He saw the two reaching hands grasp. The cords in Lord Wang's neck stood out with the effort as he shouted, "General, help!"

Even after these two horrific fights they've had, even after years of Chaghan making it clear he regrets adopting Baoxiang and the thousands of implicit and explicit ways he's told Baoxiang he thinks he's worthless, Baoxiang still sees Chaghan as his father. When Chaghan is in danger, even immediately after Chaghan has publicly disowned him, Baoxiang does not hesitate for a second to rush to Chaghan's aid.

Yet as Esen looks at Baoxiang in the aftermath of this event, of their father's death, his mind almost immediately turns to suspecting Baoxiang let Chaghan die. Yes, Ouyang had sowed the seeds of that thought, but Esen is the one willing to believe, almost immediately, that Baoxiang let this happen on purpose.

When they return to Anfeng for Chaghan's funeral, Esen bars Baoxiang from attending. (Chapter 15)

He [Esen] strode to the doors and flung them open, stepping out into the diffuse brightness of the hot pearl sky. The empty courtyard echoed with the memory of those hundreds of people in white. But today there was only one figure there. From a distance Wang Baoxiang's elaborate white drapery and drained face had all the humanity of a carved piece of jade.

On the day of his father's funeral, Baoxiang stands alone outside in the courtyard because Esen will not allow him to attend the ceremony, because Esen has already become so wholly convinced that Baoxiang let their father die.

The first time Esen and Baoxiang speak after this incident, Esen makes the following observation. This occurs as Esen sits at his father's desk for the first time, trying to get a grip on running the household he now heads (chapter 15):

His [Baoxiang's] fine-boned Manji features seemed more prominent, and there were shadows under his eyes. Under his familiar brittle smirk, there was something as pale and secretive as a mushroom.

The very first thing he does in their first post-Chaghan confrontation is to highlight Baoxiang's foreignness. His otherness. Esen is full-blooded Mongol. Baoxiang is not. Esen doesn't even think of him as Nanren, but as Manji. Barbarian. And in this moment, when Esen regards him full-on for the first time since suspecting him of killing their father, he thinks Baoxiang's foreign features are "more prominent."

Of course, they fight (chapter 15):

Esen slammed back his chair. "You dare speak of him to me!"
"Why?" asked Baoxiang, advancing. His voice rose. "Why can't I speak of our father? Do tell, is there something you think I did?"
...
"I don't admit anything! I don't need to! You've already made up your mind." Baoxiang grabbed the desk and held on..."No matter what I say, no matter what I do, both of you would think the worst of me. You slander me with ill thoughts I've never had--no, not even when he had me on my knees, and was cursing my very existence. You think I murdered him!"

It's a brutal, ugly, honest fight that's really gutting to read (kudos to SPC). It's not just that Esen suspects Baoxiang might have done it--it's that, as Baoxiang said, he's already decided Baoxiang did it. Without speaking to Baoxiang, without really considering any other option, he almost immediately reached for and settled on "Baoxiang killed our father out of resentment." It's how quick and willing Esen was--like Chaghan--to believe the worst of Baoxiang. He begins the entire encounter, as noted above, by mentally clocking that Baoxiang isn't like him or Chaghan. He's different. He's foreign. He's secretive.

We, the readers, were present at the moment of Chaghan's imperilment. We know that Baoxiang tried to save him, that in spite of Chaghan's abuse, he was desperate to bring him back to safety, but he failed. Esen, in absence of having seen it for himself, is ready to believe right off the bat that Baoxiang acted selfishly and viciously--and that, I think, is what really cuts him. That his own brother, probably the person he is closest to (which says a lot, given how little these two actually know each other...) is so quick to see the worst of his intentions.

Esen concludes this fight by disowning Baoxiang as Chaghan did days earlier (chapter 15):

Esen slammed his hands against the desk with such ferocity that it dealt a blow to Baoxiang and sent him stumbling...Esen heard the ugliness of his voice: it was his father's voice. "He was right about you. You're worthless. Worse than that: a curse. Rue the day this house took you in! Even if I have not the authority of the Great Khan, then at least my ancestors should witness the truth of my words in disowning your name. Get out!"

It takes Esen all of a handful of days to assume Chaghan's former relationship with Baoxiang. Where before he defended Baoxiang (not particularly zealously, but still) to Chaghan, now he echoes Chaghan's own words, the same words he knew had hurt Baoxiang so badly before.

It's crushing. We know they care about each other, we do. But in this time when they should be leaning together, to support each other in their grief, Chaghan's legacy has left them with this. Baoxiang at last is left with no allies, and Esen, although he doesn't know it, is left with no one to stand between him and Ouyang.

TRE Re-read

Jul. 5th, 2026 06:53 pm
rocky41_7: (Default)
[personal profile] rocky41_7
I've been re-reading She Who Became the Sun and man I do forget how intense it all is. Collected thoughts from tumblr posts

The dynamic with Esen, Ouyang, and Baoxiang all having grown up together and been raised by Chaghan is actually insane. It's no wonder every conversation between two or more of them feels like taking constant psyche damage. Ouyang, who is physically incapable of being the kind of man Chaghan wants and also is the son of a famous traitor and is Nanren to boot (no matter how well he strives for Mongol ideals); Baoxiang, who is half Nanren but also half Mongol yet simply refuses to even try to be the kind of man Chaghan wants (and isn't even Chaghan's real kid); and sandwiched between them, Esen, who with a minimum of effort is exactly the kind of man Chaghan wants but is utterly incapable of understanding how anyone can fail to be that kind of man. Of course Ouyang and Baoxiang can't fucking stand each other, and adore and resent Esen in almost equal measure. Chaghan could not have created a better pressure cooker for intra-familial violence if he'd done it on purpose.

Chaghan is so stupid man TT_TT He could have had it all, Esen kicking ass in the field and Baoxiang at home killing it on administrative management and they could have made Henan the only profitable province in the Yuan if he had just let both his sons do what they were good at. Instead he has to have a complex about Baoxiang not wanting to be in the army, and refuse to see any value in what he does for the Yuan. Everything Baoxiang says in his last fight with Chaghan is true! He does keep Henan running, far more than Esen and Ouyang with their armies! But Chaghan refuses to see that because he will only acknowledge one right way to be a Mongol, to be a man.

Sometimes I think about the fact that we literally never learn Ouyang's given name; that man's whole identity was his family and their legacy and it destroyed anything of him that was him alone. He never uses it no one else ever uses it. Did it matter to him? I would argue no but we don't know. Even after wining the tournament (quite handily) at the spring gathering and being presented to the Grand Khan himself, he elides his given name when introducing himself, choosing instead to use only his notorious family name.

Happy bday, Kat! <3 <3 <3

Jul. 5th, 2026 07:28 am
kiramaru7: (Default)
[personal profile] kiramaru7
Happy bday, Kat, and many, many, many more to come! I hope your day's a special one! <3 <3 <3

Image

Fort Mac Adventures - Canada Day

Jul. 1st, 2026 11:17 pm
yuuago: (Canada - Sightless)
[personal profile] yuuago
Sooo today was Canada Day! And I had the day off.

I took the bus downtown. The Multicultural Society was hosting a free pancake breakfast, so of course I was up for that. By the time I got there, they were winding down but still with plenty left over and were giving out extra packages. So, I was able to bring some home to freeze for later.

The weather was not too bad. Not super hot, anyway. No rain. A little smokey, but that's business as usual.

The parade was all right! I mean, you have to calibrate your expectations, considering it's Fort Mac, but it was still a good time. The Filipino-Canadian Association went all out, with multiple floats and some really impressive dancers in traditional clothing. Alberta Wildfire made an appearance with a really nice float. The local McDonalds did a surprisingly really good, high-effort entry, with floats and costumes and ribbon dancers. ?! (On the one hand, ew, big corporation etc. On the other hand, like, it's all local staff putting in the effort to do a nice parade entry. So there is that. ...I hope they got paid though.) And also the military museum had a whole-ass TANK on the flatbed of a truck, that was pretty cool.

The only downer was an evangelical coming up to me to proselytize. I removed myself from the situation and went to stand somewhere else, but I'm honestly still kind of mad about it. Not cool, yo.

My parents invited themselves over this evening. I wasn't thrilled about that. However, they brought Chinese takeout with them, so overall I'm going to consider it a net win.

Fanmix: The Radiant Emperor

Jul. 1st, 2026 07:47 pm
rocky41_7: (Default)
[personal profile] rocky41_7

Hellooo I've compiled playlists for The Radiant Emperor please enjoy (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Ma Xiuying

i. Paradise Coldplay ii. Hideaway The Corrs iii. Human Gabrielle Aplin iv. Froot Marina and the Diamonds v. She Likes Girls Metro Station vi. Remembering an Old Friend Professor Liang Tsai-Ping vii. Just Like Heaven The Watson Twins viii. Hell to the Liars London Grammar ix. Daisy Karine Polwart x. Purple Bamboo Melody China Broadcast National Orchestra xi. Thus Always to Tyrants The Oh Hellos xii. Heartlines Florence + The Machine xiii. Flourished Dream (繁華夢) Isabelle Huang xiv. Quiet Lights

Ouyang

i. Wolf Totem The HU ii. Miracle Man Oliver Tree iii. Body Mother Mother iv. Bitter Fuck Joji v. Set Fire to the Third Bar Snow Patrol vi. IMNOTYOURBOYFRIENDBABY 3OH!3 vii. Snake Song Isobel Campbell viii. All that I’m Living for Evanescence ix. Flesh Simon Curtis x. Comatose Skillet xi. Cold (But I’m Still Here) Evans Blue xii. Down in a Hole Alice in Chains xiii. The Unforgiven Metallica xiv. Diggin’ my Own Grave Nik Ammar xv. Brutus Buttress xvi. Jingim Has Fallen Peter Nashel & Erik V. Haichikian xvii. Taking Over Me Evanescence xviii. Rage Valley Knife Party xix. Sad But True The HU

Wang Baoxiang

i. Alien Boy Oliver Tree ii. Hunger Florence + The Machine iii. Pompeii Bastille iv. Flamboyant Dorian Electra v. This is How to Be a Heartbreaker Marina and the Diamonds vi. Never Gonna Happen Lily Allen vii. Black Eyed Boy Texas viii. Theme of the Empress Shigeru Umebayashi ix. Constant Craving k.d. lang x. Galactic Mermaid マーメイド・シスターズ xi. Amsterdam Imagine Dragons xii. What You Know Two Door Cinema Club xiii. Therapy All Time Low xiv. Whisper Evanescence xv. Brother The Organ xvi. Lay My Body Down The Rag n' Bone Man

Zhu Chongba

i. Young Volcanoes Fall Out Boy ii. Looking Like This Lyre Le Temps   iii. 般若波羅蜜多心經 Our Way to Attain Great Concentration iv. Cake by the Ocean DNCE v. Just Like Heaven The Cure v. Mantis Fighting Style Peter Nashel & Erik V. Haichikian vi. Centuries Fall Out Boy vii. Everybody Loves Me One Republic viii. I Think I’ll be their God Ryan Culwell ix. Its Mine – Mystery Skulls x. Death Favors No Man James Newton Howard


Small summer adventures

Jun. 30th, 2026 12:40 am
allekha: Bright embroidered flowers on black background (Embroidery on black)
[personal profile] allekha
I went to our local-ish Pride parade the other week, for the first time ever since moving here. No particular reason I never went, just always had something pop up that weekend or was out of town or it was super hot and I didn't want to go. I took my rainbow flag and stood waving it like a dork the whole time - this gets very tiring after a while lol - and picked up several handfuls of candy and bought a book and felt a sense of community. It was fun. I'm glad I went. I was standing at the very start, and at one point I thought, this has been going on for a while, I wonder if we're near the end? And I turned around and the line of floats and groups and people waiting for their turn to march still went on and on and you couldn't see the end because there were so many.

It apparently had a record turnout ♥

Z and I also went to a local Renn fair. I wish it wasn't so commercial-feeling, but we enjoyed walking around and seeing everyone all dressed up, and the horses at the jousting event were very cute and the actors were good at riling up the crowd, and the weather was very pleasant.

My skating boots are still not problem-free, but once they warm up, they're not so bad now. I only wish I could figure out how to get them to that warmed-up state without skating in them for half an hour first! In even better news, I finally did my first baby scratch spin after a lot of struggling to get my free leg in front instead of behind (my coach took video, he was SO proud lol), and my rhythm blues dance is almost ready to test.

Side note but at my lesson I was wearing a t-shirt that says 'Thank you' and then has the number 39 in large text below (it's based on one from Blue Exorcist), and afterward I suddenly wondered what people who don't get the joke think it's about.

Z (with a bit of help from me) put together a bookshelf kit we bought, and my office instantly felt 200% better. In part because I was able to get rid of a couple more moving boxes and finally organize my books properly, and in part because I finally have a good place to display things like my YOI nendos and yak friends:
Shelf with decorative objects

I've also managed to get back into my Japanese reading groove, and I'm nearly finished reading Totto-chan: The Little Girl at the Window. It's one of those books that makes me wish I had someone to talk about it with.

(no subject)

Jun. 28th, 2026 09:48 pm
yuuago: (Norway - Map)
[personal profile] yuuago
+ I rewatched Trolljegeren this evening. I'd forgotten how much I like this film! I'm usually kind of 'eh' about found footage, but I feel like it's employed really well in this particular case, when it's in the service of a mockumentary about troll hunting. Apparently. There are a lot of plot points I completely forgot, so it was like watching it for the first time. It's such a fun movie, and of course with the added bonus of copious beautiful landscape shots (obligatory). I think sometimes it gets mislabeled as horror, but to me it falls more under fantasy. Scary fantasy, sure, but yeah. ...Also I just read that at one point the rights had been purchased to do an American remake, and I just, what. This is such a very very Norwegian film; the thought of a US remake is all sorts of No.

+ Anyway, the reason I decided to rewatch it is that I found a notebook in which I was writing a Hetalia x Trolljegeren crossover. It's very easy to mash these fandoms together, because of course Norway would be aware of what is going on with the Troll Security Service. I started it some time in 2013, and unfortunately I didn't make any plot notes, so I don't remember where I was going with it. So... hopefully some time soon I will read through what I wrote and try to remember the plot, or failing that, think of a new plot. I do remember that it was going to be gen, and I think that would be a nice change of pace for me, as it's been a while since I did anything like that.

+ Speaking of writing, [community profile] iddyiddybangbang usually opens signups around the second week of July if I remember correctly. Looking forward to participating this year; I think I'll do my FTH for it, as that will give me a good deadline to get it done. Is anyone else thinking about signing up?

Cheris and Jedao: First Meeting

Jun. 26th, 2026 04:31 pm
rocky41_7: (Mass Effect)
[personal profile] rocky41_7

Now that I'm on a reread, it's time for "insane things from Cheris and Jedao's first meeting featuring an unnamed Nirai who is definitely Kujen" here we go

"You are a Kel, aren't you? You usually are." He [Jedao] added: "It's so easy to forget what colors look like."



His [the Nirai's] speech was plain, despite his beautiful voice, his verb forms almost disparaging.


"Should formation instinct have taken her so strongly?" Jedao said. He sounded deferential.



"Jedao," the Nirai said, "I trust she's satisfactory?"
"I'm your gun," Jedao said.
Cheris was nonplussed. A Kel might say that ceremonially to a superior, and even then only on the highest of occasions, but the irony in Jedao's voice suggested that something else was going on.
"Besides," Jedao added, "if she's like the others, she never had a substantive choice, and I didn't have one either."



"What defenses does the general have, sir?"
"He can talk to you," the Nirai said sardonically.


But the formation instinct was ebbing. She could think more clearly now.
"That's better," Jedao said. Was that genuine relief?


"'My attention wandered'?" Cheris said, remembering his smile when she had fallen off the treadmill.
"The Nirai has peculiar ideas about entertainment," Jedao said without any particular inflection.


Cheris frowned. Something didn't add up. "I appreciate the concern, sir." The word slipped out: habit.
"You weren't at the Siege of Hellspin Fortress," Jedao said. For the first time, his voice went completely flat.


"We're going to have to confront the Fortress sooner or later," Cheris said. "It might as well be sooner. With any luck, fewer people will die this way."
"Good," Jedao said crisply. "I'm glad we care about the same things."


In an emergency, if the general withholds necessary information, the carrion glass remnants can be ingested by a volunteer. Although this procedure is experimental, this will give the general a body so he can be tortured.


"Alright," Jedao said. "Setup...We're going to have to ask the Nirai to loan us a mathematical analyst--"
"I can handle that," Cheris said.
Sharp interest: "You're Nirai-trained?"


"I can request my profile for your perusal," she said.
"I'd like that, yes, but I want to hear it from you as well."
Cheris brought up her profile--the part of it she was allowed to see, anyway--and wondered which sections were inviting particular scrutiny...
"Fine," Jedao said after a disquieting silence. "Fourth display, review of available resources."


"If the Pale Fracture weren't a calendrical dead zone, they would almost be good enough to fuel a whole new wave of expansion."
"Don't get cocky," said the Nirai without looking up, "you have enough problems already."
"One could hope for some variety in opponents," Jedao said.
Cheris blinked. She didn't think she had imagined the chill in his voice. But the Nirai's expression was serene, as if he hadn't heard it at all.


"Breaking the enemy has always been important." Yes, Cheris thought, but who is your enemy?


Incredible dynamic. Poor Cheris has no idea what she's standing in the middle of.

Ace Inverted

Jun. 25th, 2026 04:26 pm
rocky41_7: (Mass Effect)
[personal profile] rocky41_7

Fandom: Machineries of Empire

Summary: After the massacre at Hellspin Fortress, Garach Ledana is taken in for questioning.

AN: In Ninefox Gambit (chapter 8), Jedao tells Cheris he "was told" his mother was murdered while he was still being interrogated over Hellspin. I played around with that timeline a little so that she survives long enough to see him charged.

AO3 | tumblr | Pillowfort 

Excerpt:

They make her watch the videos.
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